“I woke up and understood that I did not want to be who I was anymore; that I don’t want to be anybody’s gumshoe any longer. I want to break free, be worthy, be unremarkably extraordinary and be a lot of things that I know I can be. I woke up. And I decided to choose myself. I chose Dalton.”
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Lackluster, dull, jaded: the words that Dalton thought of writing when his English teacher, Ms. Lanster, probed the class to inscribe three words that would describe themselves. He was nearly to write crassly when the bell rang. Did it really matter? Writing it down? I presume it didn’t. Possibly because even if he didn’t, he already discerned that he was lackluster, dull and jaded. Dalton was 18. He lives a few kilometers from the coast of South Carolina where he goes to school at a community college. His mom would always be proud of him, habitually telling her friends that Dalton was sympathetic and benevolent to practically everyone.
Dalton: I normally wake up between 6:30-6:45 AM. I’d run down and see my french toast bettered with cream cheese waiting together with an impeccably brewed coffee that my mom would prepare every single day. Ummm, what else? I drive my own car, I enjoy watching “The Walking Dead” and… and…yeah, that’s it.
See, Dalton was far-flung from being cool and astonishing. He lived a life that others would not find very amusing, so to speak. He has two bestfriends, Aaron and Christoff. Aaron was the captain of the basketball team; Christoff, the soccer. Dalton played tennis…and that’s just it.
Dalton: They’re grand, I know. Perhaps that is why it’s tough for me to be around them sometimes. It’s more of the out-of-place feeling, really. Sheila would say “hi” at the lobbies. I’d say “hi” back and I’d later recognize that it was actually intended for my chums. Embarrassing, right? It’s like I’m breathing through a shadow every day. Wait, scuff that…I meant two shadows. Don’t get me wrong, Aaron and Christoff are my bestfriends. Whatever level of attractiveness I had in school, I owed to them. It wasn’t insecurity or self-doubt. I just somehow wished that I could also spice things up a little bit more; to be more like them; that I could also find a way to the top; to find an enhanced version of myself. Diffidence aside, I know I have the splendor; and the wits to go with it. I just really didn’t have the guts to show it.
For years, it has constantly been like this for Dalton. He’d go through the exact same thing every day. He tried to combat it, tried to break free from all of it; but every time he did, he felt trapped just a little bit more. And then one day, it all changed.
Dalton: Aaron asked me to carry his backpack to the gym. I didn’t want to…so I didn’t. We contended; Christoff went with Aaron and I began feeling disturbed… because I didn’t mind at all. That similar night, I went to the mall and literally jarred into an old friend. He acquainted me with some people. I began to hang out with them more often. Next thing I knew, I was already watching myself getting lost and dazed further and further into a youthful trance. “So this is what it feels like”, I said to myself.
Days passed and I began to appreciate myself more. I tried to smile more, studied more, played tennis more, valued myself more. And to my surprise, people essentially began to look at me differently; the kind that would vitalize you to be more because they know you can. “So this is what it feels like”, I said to myself.
I was willing to assent the fact that maybe I was born to give more to others and leave less for myself. But it didn’t feel right. I told myself that I couldn’t be just that; that this can’t be it. I woke up and understood that I did not want to be who I was anymore; that I don’t want to be anybody’s gumshoe any longer. I want to break free, be worthy, be unremarkably extraordinary and be a lot of things that I know I can be. I woke up. And I decided to choose myself. I chose Dalton.
“Hey Dalton”, Sheila said.
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